“I’m well aware of how it aches…”

Yesterday we lost one of the members in our household.
On november the 11th, 2002, at about quarter to seven a.m., while Mom was driving me to school, we saw this tiny, shaggy thing walking between the heavy morning traffic. It was the smallest poodle I’ve ever seen, and it seemed to have been totally neglected. Mom bit her lip, wondering what to do. The small dog walked infront of the cars in panic as if it didn’t see them at all. (Later we found she probably couldn’t). So I decided to go get her. I got out of the car, ran between the cars, took her in my arms and returned.
She was painfully thin, she didn’t have any teeth left, her eyes were partially covered with cataracts. Her hair was al knotted and matted, with a horrible charcoal colour, and covered in grease and filth. The worst thing was the smell. Like something was rotten.
It took Mom like three or four baths and a lot of work with a pair of scissors. We tought she wouldn’t make it more than a couple of days, specially because she wasn’t eating or drinking anything. She was just sleeping there. We cried a lot. I still can’t conceive in my heart that someone can be so cruel with an helpless creature like that. Finally, after five days she started drinking water, and Mom tried to feed her. Later we learned that she was independant, and would eat the same as the other dogs in the house even without her teeth.
Mom named her Charlie. She said it was from a song, something about "founding her lonely and she cried hungry", I really can’t remember, but she said it was a perfect name for a stray. I called her "Rat", "The Rat", and lately "Mrs. Rat". (I know, I’m so witty sometimes…)
She used to sleep most of the day, she only got off the couch to pee or eat, and the person she loved more than anything in the world was my Mother. Every night when she arrived from work Charlie should bark or howl (which sounded hilarious), and once Mom was inside she wouldn’t separate from her heels.
We knew it couln’t last. Specially when we heard her cry in her sleep, or walk painfully because of arthritis. Lately she started developing this tumour like lumps in her tummy. So yesterday in the morning I left for work and returned late in the night, and even later when I went to bed and said goodnight to my Father I turned to say goodnight to Charlie, who had been worst than ever this days, and she wasn’t in the sofa. Then Dad told me that after I left from work she got really bad so he took her to the vet, and he euthanised her. "I buried her later", and even though he’s one of the toughest persons I know, his eyes filled with tears. Every animal in my house is deeply loved and respected. Every one of them is taken care for, even when most of them are strays we’ve picked up from the streets.
I’m gonna miss her. I remember after being nine months out of home I returned and felt kinda scared and confused. Olympia, who’s been my dog for ten years greeted me like if I was never gone, but when I entered the house Charlie started celebrating, and she wouldn’t leave my side the first days. I’ve never felt so welcome.
Even with that, I know it’s for the best. She’s not gonna suffer anymore, she spent her last four years in peace, living comfortably, and she died peacefully as well. But I am sad. Every being that touches your life marks you in one way or another.
Mom’s on vacation, so she doesn’t know. She returns this weekend, so I think I’m gonna wait until she’s here to give her the news.

“Stumbling in your soul; give yourself to me…”

Es normal suponer que cuando uno ama a otra persona y se sabe correspondido los pensamientos de uno u otro están permanentemente encaminados en el bienestar de la persona a quién se ama.

Amar a alguien significa desear lo mejor para esa persona. Desear, asimismo, ser lo mejor que se le pueda ofrecer. Mejorar como persona debería desearse en una base personal, pero nunca hay mejor aliciente que cuando se está enamorado. Así uno siempre busca verse bien, sentirse bien, tener algo que ofrecer…

Los malentendidos son inevitables. Aún por mucho que se ame suele pasar que la comunicación se ve obstruida. Las dudas surgen cuando esa comunicación se vuelve casi nula, y dichos malentendidos se suceden frecuentemente.

El amor es algo complejo. Pareciera que se alimenta de la mutua compañía y se muere con la distancia. Aunque existen excepciones a toda regla. Sé de casos donde no importando tiempo y distancia ese amor permaneció vivo.

El amor cambia en medida que las personas lo hacen. El experimentado por personas jóvenes conserva pocas características cuando estas personas crecen. No es lo mismo vivir un noviazgo sin compromisos que compartir tu vida, responsabilidades y espacio vital con otra persona. Son pocos los que sobreviven este trance. Hay quienes se dan cuenta que sus caminos no están directamente enlazados, y por mucho que se estimen no hay voluntad por hacer sacrificios.

Por cursi que pueda sonar, y por dolorosa que sea esta experiencia, como todo en mi vida, no me arrepiento de nada de lo que he hecho. Realmente apoyo eso de que todo mundo debería amar y conocer la vida en pareja, aunque fuera una vez, aunque fuera por conocer la experiencia.

El amor alivia la soledad, y te motiva a ser una mejor persona. Al terminarse puede volverse algo insoportable, crees que no vas a sobrevivirlo, no puedes ni siquiera ponerte de pie. Pero finalmente lo haces. Y vuelves a lanzarte al mundo, esperando, con dedos cruzados, cuando encuentres finalmente a esa persona que no te lastime y te merezca.

No me pregunten porqué estoy en un ánimo tan cursi. No me siento ñoña ni triste, y estoy procurando hablar de manera general, no de casos específicos, con la poca experiencia que he adquirido en esta, mi miserable veintena de años.

Siéntanse libres de comentarlo…


Por cierto, feliz lunes.