“Despite all my Rage, I am still just a Rat in a Cage.”

When an animal gets caught in a trap, they fight til exhaustion, because what’s at stake is huge. It’s their lives, no more, no less.

Sure you’ve heard about how coyotes will gnaw at their own paws if they get caught in a hunting trap. Animals that would rather flee than attack become the wildest beasts when fighting to protect their lives.

I’ve always thought that I was strong enough. That I had character. That I could fight my battles. But I can’t. It’s not that I’m weak, but that when the battle is til death I stop. When something big it’s a stake I just cower or flee. I can’t achive my goals because I never pursue them til the end.

I’m so confused. I feel so weak, so vulnerable. So depressed. I feel like nothing’s worth fighting for anymore. I’m so sick of hearing all the time that everything can hurt me. That I’m not supposed to live my life the way I used to, because now everything is potentially dangerous for me. I can’t be blind to all now. I’ve got to be sure that everyone that’s by my side it’s really on my side. Because I need help more than ever. Because even if I don’t feel weak my body is. And everything can hurt me.

My family supports me, but just til some extent. I feel mom does it as a payback for all that she did wrong this years. Taking care of me is her way of saying she’s sorry. And my father is so depressed as well, that he can’t even imagine how ban I am. But deepdown they’re just children, and they’re scared. They can’t even understand how I am dealing with all this stuff. My disease, their behaviour, my work, my failed career…this gets harder every time. They can’t even imagine the way I feel. And  sometimes I feel like they don’t want to.

He is the only one there. But he cannot understand either. But he’s trying. At least now he’s trying.

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8 Respuestas a ““Despite all my Rage, I am still just a Rat in a Cage.”

  1. You are strong, nothing can be labeled as FAILED until it\’s really over, you cand do it, I trust you girl, chin up, sometimes, the complexity of life can be eliminated by a simple choice, by a single thought, by an easy figure-out. You can do it, I know it, get there.

  2. QUERIDA CLARICE:
     
     
    Me has conmovido una vez mas con tu blog……   Y mas me conmueve el gran final! 
    digno todo de una Agente como tu, no es asi?
     
    Quid pro Quo Clarice…

  3. UUUSH, este cabrón me CAGA cada vez que lo veo escribir… DEUS, que cabeza tan hueca… tan copycat que no puede crearse una personalidad propia, go and figure out the color of your spoon, mate! Sam, are you not SICK of him? Mwahahaha.
     
     And you girl, chin up, as the STRONG woman you\’ve alwas been.

  4. Well, dearest Efy, join the fan club. Or may I say, the hate group?I mean it. Just ignore it. See it as spicing it up a little.I know. It\’s just a bad patch. I usually write about the bad times. I should start writing about the good ones. Believe me, I don\’t feel alone, and I know I may be overreacting, But it just feels so damn hard right now…Greetings, kiddo.

  5. Hey, you guys! Nice to see you around!

    No sé si sea necesario algo así como bloquear al amigo Hannibal, si así fuera, con quién nos divertiríamos?

    Thanks for the comments…

  6. LA VERDAD, ja, pobre hombre, que se consiga una verdadera personalidad, pero es para mi imposible ignorar un acto tan osado como ese..! Que vergüenza el intentar hacer mímica de un personaje ficticio e intentar tomar su "personalidad" y si, me re-mil-CAGA.
     
    Hey, la Marie es Grace? Tienes chocobo tales para nintendo DS!!!??? JAJA. Pop up duels rule. 😄
     
    Total nenaza, muchísima suerte con todo lo que estes haciéndo. Wishing you the best! 😀

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