If only tired bones were made of wood we could say, we could give up this endless task.

This was written on August 22nd, 2006. I think it started then. You should have worried. You should have cared.

 

(We) Women aren’t all that complicated. Sometimes the only thing we need is a compliment, a kind word, to know, to be aware that there is someone out there who loves us. And not just to know, but to hear it.

 

    I was waiting for you last night. I was totally exhausted. Every inch of my body aching, specially my eyes. I kept hope in my heart. I wanted to see you so bad, to hold you. To inhale your scent, to listen to your sweet, deep, beautiful voice. To touch your skin, feel it warm under my fingers. To taste your lips, watch them tremble, and rejoice in the sweetness of your breath.

 

     It still aches now. The waiting. The cold. The loneliness.

 

     …and later on you called, and just told me that "something came up". But you won’t give explanations. You say that I get mad all the time. What you don’t know is that I ask in order to keep my peace of mind. You’re offended, ‘cause you say I don’t trust you while you trust me absolutely.

     I have my reasons. From the start I promised myself I’d never let my guard down, because of your past. And just a couple of months ago you gave me reasons to doubt.

 

But you won’t see this. You just feel offended and get mad.

 

     And still I want you. Not just your body. I want it all. I want to drink your words. I want to die in your green-spiraled eyes.

 

     I’ve said you don’t love me as before simply ‘cause I can’t see that you love me the way I do.

 

I love you so much it hurts.

I love you so much that it feels as if something inside me might break.

 

I feel something heavy on my chest and stomach. Pressing. Killing me.

 

     Something tells me that I’m gonna die next to you.

…even if then you don’t love me anymore. Maybe because of that.

 

I waited ‘til I felt cold getting into my tired bones.

                                   …still you never came.

 

I wanna be loved.

I wanna mean the Whole Fucking World to someone.

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

Thank you for all. Even if this is not enough. I really loved you. I think you’ll never realize how much.

 

Off Parting Sound – HASTE

 

Farther off the course, it seems we are drifting.
Grab at anything just to call ourselves back home. This sea is furious.
She has lost patience and thus, we will sip now from our early graves.
We built the craft and chose the course farthest from suffering.
Sleep now with proud hearts and with dreams to wake, should we weather this day.
Shall we brave against the unknown obstacles set on our way,
or give her up to where the winds may lead?
It seems the easy way. Moments from sinking,
monument gray faces are the weary from the strain.
Our wills give way to hunger, is the sacrifice too great?
As men do tired minds wander.
Can our course now be changed?
My captain, we are taking on water.
This ship has run aground.
We have risked this shallow channel…drowning off parting sound.
The breath of Christ in me with every toss of the waves.
I’ve found that there is so much more to this.
Comfort still gets in the way.
Somehow, at the end of this, with every wind at my sail I’ll touch ground.
When my comes in…If only tired bones were made of wood we could say,
we could give up this endless task.
Despite the rising tide the weather-worn ship remains steady and upright.
Set out in search of greater things and we nearly lost our way.
The breath of Christ in me with every toss of the waves.
I’ve found that there is so much more to this.
Comfort still gets in the way.
Somehow, at the end of this, with every wind at my sail I’ll touch ground.
When my comes in…